From One Mom to a New Mom: Tips for Before You Deliver

I have said it a million times, I feel, but really - I have learned more from parenting Baby B than I did with both of my boys combined.  Age and maturity have helped me get a better grasp on what I should be doing as a mom.  It is fun watching friends get ready for their first babies and raise their first babies and I find myself giving tidbits of advice when asked.  Occasionally I become "that woman" who gives the unsolicited advice when I feel like the parent really should know something - and it is almost always that bit of advice I wish someone would have shared with me.

The more I sit and ponder how amazing it is to be a parent in 2014, the more I thought about what I really want to say to mom and dad-to-be's before they welcome their new baby into their lives and home.  So here are my tips you should read BEFORE you get to the end of your pregnancy.

1.  Don't plan on drugs at the hospital.  I was induced with my first son (at age 20) due to medical issues with him, which ultimately led to pitocin which lead to the epidural to ease the pain.  I was still scared of the pain when I had my second son, so again I had the pitocin and the epidural.  During my third pregnancy, I was blessed to have watched several friends show me the strength I could unleash from inside of me.  Friends of mine had successful homebirths, drug free -  if they could do it, so could I.  I did my research; I watched videos and read books and talked with my doctor.  At age 31 I was going to show how strong women really are and do this birth thing all natural.  Thanks to the support of my husband, an amazing doula, and encouraging nurses and my doctor - I had Baby B WITHOUT DRUGS.  It hurt.  Honestly, I think the pain helped me get her out faster.  I was in such a state of euphoria during my labor that never happened with my previous two children, that I felt like She-rah.  The rush of endorphin's after I had my daughter was amazing and I felt so at peace afterwards.  So I am here to say, "You can do it!  You can do it without drugs!"  Believe in yourself and the power you DO have inside of you.  You can get more information on the relationship between drugs and labor complications here.  Watch the video - it is so informative!  

Seconds after birth.

"Hmmm...real life is not what I imagined."

2. Have a Birth Plan. Going on from no-drugs, make sure you know what you want during your labor, delivery, and hours after birth.  It is harder to make decisions while you are going through all of that.  Having a plan in place and people that know your plan will make everything smoother.  With my first child, I wanted certain people in the room with me during delivery, but in the heat of the moment - other people came in and photos were taken and things did not go the way I wanted them to.  And I was in no position to say anything about it as I was pushing a baby out.  By the time I had Baby B, I knew what I wanted.  My husband and I did our research.  We decided to only have ourselves, my doula (best decision ever!!!) and my mom in the room.  We opted for delayed cord clamping to give my baby extra nutrients.  Measurements and wiping down the baby were delayed to give me an hour of skin-to-skin time to encourage bonding.  We had measurements taken after that golden hour and then my husband had an hour of skin-to-skin time before we allowed anyone else to hold Baby B.  We delayed bath time so she could stay under the protection of her vernix.  We knew what measures we wanted taken if a complication arose with either the baby or I.  The amazing thing was that I hardly knew about any of this stuff!  I am so glad I was told about all of these natural processes ahead of time so that my baby could start life out with a positive start.  The template I used for my birth plan can be found here.


3. Take belly photos.  This is something I did not do with either of my sons and it was sad to not have them to compare my belly with each week.  It is fun to look back and see how my baby girl was growing and I wish I had the same memories from my first two pregnancies.  

4. Babywear!  I was introduced to the world of babywearing by my Doula and was invited to a local babywearing group through an old friend from college who had started up a group.  Babywearing has made life easier - I can get chores done, dinner cooked, and go shopping without struggling with a handful of baby.  I prefer my Ergo, but also highly recommend Tula's and Kinderpacks.  On occasions we use ring slings.  Many women prefer woven wraps; there are so many beautiful options out there.  Check your area for local groups.  They are everywhere! 

5. Look into cloth diapering.  It is easier than you think!  While there are tons of cloth diapering options out there for all lifestyles and budgets, we found All-in-Ones worked best for our family.  They are all one piece, hence the name, and function similar to a disposable.  My husband loves that they are so easy and we are saving money.  We have spent around $500 on diapers and we will never have to purchase another diaper again.  Disposables will run the average family close to, if not over, $2000.  We are also not contributing to landfill pileups which is a huge perk for this mom who wants a beautiful world for her children.  Last fall a friend turned her nose up at my cloth diaper and stated,"I won't cloth diaper because I don't want to touch poop."  Another perk to cloth diapering?  NO BLOWOUTS!  All the time I hear about how friends who have used disposables had to clean poop off of car seats, clothes, floors, and high chairs because the 'sposie couldn't contain it all.  After 11 months of cloth diapering and many large messes - we have yet to have a blowout thanks to the genius design of cloth diapers.  And I have not had to touch any poop. ;)

I also make my own wipes and wipes solution.

6. Don't waste your money. There are so many things out there for babies that you just do not need.  I hear the same items making this "list" all of the time.  They include: bottle warmers, wipe warmers, fancy baby bathtubs, cribs (if you co-sleep or bed share), and baby shoes.  Really think about each item you purchase and register for.  Is it worth the cost?  How long will it realistically be used for?  Can I find it second-hand?  So many items like jumperoo's and walkers are not used for long and can be found for less money through online yard sales and friends.

7. Make sure you have breastfeeding support. Breastfeeding isn't always a cake walk.  Sometimes it can be a real struggle for weeks or months.  However, it is highly rewarding, providing essential nutrients to baby that formula just cannot replicate and providing countless benefits to the mama.  The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breastfeeding until age 2, worldwide average is 3-7 years old.  When you do not have a support team in place for breastfeeding, you tend to give up sooner.  I am constantly around breastfeeding moms, so it always surprises me that we are not in the majority.  So few moms continue to breastfeed after 6 months of age even when breast milk is the best source of nutrition and is easier to prepare than formula.  *I am not anti-formula - there are few cases where parents must use formula, I am not attacking those families.  One of the best things you can do is to surround yourself with women who are breastfeeding and will offer support when you need it most.

Breastfeeding Baby B just a few hours after birth.

8. Skip the bucket seat.  Car seats are expensive.  There are also so many options out there that making a choice can be confusing.  Many parents feel they need the bucket seat; then after the first year when their baby has outgrown the bucket seat, they spend more money on a convertible car seat.  THEN, once the baby becomes a small child, they spend MORE money purchasing a booster seat.  Here is some fantastic news: they make seats that will grow with your child from birth until they are out of car seats!  Hooray!!!  We actually purchased the Graco SnugRide 35 and ended up using it for 4 months before we switched Baby B to a Diono Radian RXT.  I wish I had just started with this seat.  It is the only seat she will ever need.  Instead of spending $150 for a bucket seat, and then $200+ for a convertible; we could have just purchased the convertible!  

Trying out the seat before it is installed!

While I have your attention about car seats, here are a few important tips:
1. Check out Car Seats for the Littles to get updated safety information on carseats.
2. The LAW in every state in the U.S. states that children must be a year old AND 20lbs to rear face.  That is not either or, it is both.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends rear facing until AT LEAST age 2.  Here are some informative (and scientific!) links to help you learn more.  Rear Facing Myths Busted & Science Behind Rear Facing.  The video below shows the crash test dummies in rear facing and forward facing accidents.  



9.  RESEARCH EVERYTHING.  The last bit of advice I have is to do your research.  While you are pregnant, before baby arrives.  Decide how you want to handle vaccinations.  Learn about giving solids and why so many parents are opting to skip cereals which are often pushed by doctors (who are often not trained in infant nutrition.)  Read your car seat manual through and through - make sure you know proper use and have correct installation - this device can save your baby's life!  Read about Baby Led Weaning (I think it is awesome) and why so many parents are starting solids this way.  Learn about the different theories behind sleep training and decide what you want to do (or none at all!)  Read about the different baby carriers and why some are not recommended.  Just know your stuff and follow the law!

No matter what, make the best decisions for your baby and your family.  No one way is right for every mom, baby and family.  You will make mistakes.  You will learn new ways and find what works best for you.  Welcome to the journey of parenthood with all of it's ups & downs.  Good luck!  



Resources:
Natural Hospital Birth: An excellent book teaching you about getting through labor without the drugs.
Kelly Mom offers fantastic support and advice for breastfeeding and parenting. 
La Leche Leauge: Breastfeeding support. 
Aha! Parenting: Tons of advice for parenting all ages.
Money Saving Moms: Helping you with meal plans, couponing, and saving money.

{365} Challenge: Frozen Movie Night

Yesterday was the DVD release of Disney's Frozen, to the delight of Disney fans everywhere.  My kids had no idea that I pre-ordered it months ago and have been eagerly awaiting its arrival in the mail.  If you have not yet ordered it, you can get it here.

Because of Baby B, we never made it to the theater to watch this new classic, so I made this movie release into a fun, themed, dinner night.

To start things off, I wanted to set the mood with the proper decor.  I found some light blue tablecloths at the dollar store to hang as bunting in our dining room.  To add to the look, I added some glittery flower-shaped bunting that kind of resembled snowflakes that I had in my party supplies.  Glitter was everywhere.

I also found some cute printables to slip into a few frames over at Paging SuperMom.

I set up the table for the boy's return from school with snacks to start the afternoon and evening off.  I even found a cute board book for Baby B.  I thought about picking up some of the figurines or dolls, but since Baby B is so young and the boys don't care about dolls - I passed on this.

I found some cute carrot "eggs" from the dollar store that I filled with some carrot-shaped chocolates.  

For drinks I put out blue Gatorade with carrot straws I also found at the dollar store.

Just like at a restaurant, I provided the boys with some table entertainment by printing out some Frozen mazes I found at Mom Endeavors.  She has a lot of great Frozen printables on her page, but my boys are old enough that the coloring pages don't catch their interest much anymore. 

For dinner I served "Troll Stone" Sandwiches (the sandwiches being a reference to the song "Love is an Open Door" and "Forest Trees."

Even Baby B joined in with dinner with some of the asparagus.  We are doing Baby-led Weaning .  I do not think she cared for asparagus.

To top it all off, for dessert I made cake pop snowmen.  This was messy to make, but fun and tasty.

I am sure most of you know how to make cake pops by now (there are tutorials all over the internet), but just in case, here is a quick run-down of how I made these.

First, bake a cake according to package directions.  After it is done and cooled, crumble it and mix it with a tub of cake frosting.  For the snowmen I did a white cake with vanilla frosting.

Form the cake mixture into balls.  I made 4 sets in three sizes to form the snowmen.  There was still a lot left over so I scooped a bunch more with a cookie scoop to make "snowballs."  Then place in the freezer on a cookie sheet for a few hours until hardened.

Once they are frozen, melt some chocolate coating (I used Bright White Candy Melts) and dip the cake balls into the melted chocolate.  Keep the cake balls that you are not working with in the freezer.  If they start to thaw, they will just fall apart in the melted chocolate.

Here is the important part to make the snowmen: as you place the cake balls on a wax-paper lined tray to set, sprinkle them with shredded coconut.  This is also the time to build your snowmen.  I found out the hard way that this is very difficult to do once the chocolate has set.  I used the cake pop sticks (cut short) to keep the three cake balls in line with each other.

For the carrot noses, I sliced up a baby carrot.  Then I took a meat thermometer (it has a sharp end) and poked holes where the nose goes and then inserted the carrot sliver.  I used frosting for the eyes.  Had I not waited for the chocolate to set, I could have inserted pretzel arms into the bodies, but I didn't want to chance breaking the snowmen by doing it after the chocolate had set.  Even armless, I still think they are cute.

After dinner we settled in for the movie.  Everyone enjoyed it and my husband was laughing loudly most of the movie.  This is definitely a Disney classic!

What is your favorite scene from Disney's Frozen?

Are you planning a Frozen movie night?  If so, what are your plans?  Share your links if you blog!

Growing as a Parent

Dear Moms,

When I got pregnant with my first son, I was 19 years old, unmarried, and more concerned with keeping up with my social life than taking the time to learn about parenting.

None of my friends had children yet.  In fact, it would be several years before they had babies of their own.  At 20 years old I found myself with a baby  boy and no clue how to raise him.  I barely even babysat when I was younger.

At that point, where do you turn for advice?  For me, the only people I could look to with actual experience were my parents and the pediatrician.  My parents hadn't had babies in 14 years, but hey, us kids survived so they must know a thing or two.  In fact, I remember going out and registering for my shower with my best friend, Lindsey.  Afterwards, my step-mom talked to me about what I was missing, what things I really didn't need, and what things I should switch.  While that made me upset at the time, in retrospect, it was truly good advice.

So, knowing that my parents may not remember everything and also thinking I didn't like the way they did everything  - I turned to the pediatrician.  He was the doctor, so everything he said and suggested MUST be the way it is.  Little did I know at the time, that most pediatricians are NOT certified in infant nutrition, breastfeeding, and other areas of parenting.

After recommendations from the pediatrician, I started my older son on rice cereal, followed by fruits and veggies.  Now, at almost 11 years old, the kid hates most veggies and healthy food.  With son #2, I did more veggies first and he eats a little bit better in regards to veggies.

Back then the internet did not have information readily available like they do today.  If you wanted quality and researched information, you often had to get a book which you would only stumble upon if someone suggested it.

So, where was I, a young 20-year-old mom, supposed to learn about new information and recommendations?

Now, at 31 years old, the internet is much improved.  I have tons of friends with kids now who have tried a variety of different ways to parent and raise their children.  When I became pregnant with Baby B, I started reading and researching, something 20-year-old me would never have taken the time for.  I also let friends share their knowledge.

Have you ever heard someone tell you, "Once you get pregnant or have a kid, EVERYONE is offering advice.  Ignore them, do what you want"?  That little tidbit is horrible.

How do we learn new things if we close our ears to advice from other parents?

I used Pampers with my sons, but when a friend showed me her cloth diapers, I was a little curious.  I mean, isn't that kinda gross, washing poop in the same place you wash your clothes?  And don't you have to touch the soiled diapers?  And aren't they a pain to put on a baby?  Kristy showed me a variety of diapers, gave me her opinions and advice, and encouraged me to look into it more.  Once I saw the massive benefits of cloth diapering (less money, adorable patterns and colors, no worrying about running out, saving the landfills from more garbage, etc.) I was pretty much sold.  My biggest regret is not getting into cloth with the first two!  

The more I opened up my ears to my friends (and then looked into the research myself), the more I learned about how I can be a better mom to Baby B.  I have learned about Baby-led Weaning, a way of starting solids by just giving them food.  No mush, no puree's, no rice cereal.  Through research and reading I discovered the history of why rice cereal was being recommended by doctors and why it is no longer recommended at all and why starting sooner than 6 months is not beneficial. (You can get the information from this book, Baby-led Weaning.)  Now, with Baby B, we won't be starting solids until after 6 months and will be starting with a variety of veggies before anything else is introduced.

During the course of this last pregnancy and over the past 5 months, I have learned about doulas, car seat recommendations (I am APPALLED that I forward faced my kids as early as I did), screen time, co-sleeping, amber teething necklaces, baby-wearing, and tons more great information - almost all of it contradicting what I learned with my son's and all backed up with legitimate research.

Had I not taken advice and stuck to the thought that "Mom knows best" or "Doctor knows best," I may not have learned and been open to new ideas and methods.  When I look at my sons, I see one boy who struggles with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and one who has ADHD and struggles academically and socially.  There is no way for me to know if something I did or didn't do affected the way they are today.  All I can do is follow current information with Baby B and see if she turns out healthier than my boys.

I didn't write this to tell you other parents that if you listen to your doctor 100%, then you are wrong.  I wrote this to tell you to research and read for yourself.  I know you love your kid(s).  I know you want the best for them.  If we as parents do not look into the studies ourselves and just follow what we are told, we could be led down a path of struggles and turmoil.  

If you don't read those "annoying" articles that "crunchy" moms like me post about the safety benefits of extended rear-facing - how will you learn that you should actually be keeping your kid rear-faced for at least 2 years?

If you don't listen to your cloth diapering friend, how will you learn that the diapers with pins are a thing of the past and that cloth diapering is just as easy as using disposables?  

If you glare at that mom who is giving her baby a slice of avocado or broccoli instead of asking her (politely) why that instead of baby food, how will you learn about BLW?

If you don't take gentle advice from a stranger about how placing the infant car seat in the top of the shopping cart is very dangerous, how will you learn to put it in the basket?

So my advice to you?  Don't take my above information and do it or throw it out the window just because I have thoughts and opinions; take the information and look into it yourself.  Keep an open mind and really read the information and see if you learn something new.

Love~ Jen

Helpful Resources:

Car Seat Regulations and information from Car Seats for the Littles 

More info on Baby-Led Weaning  

Cloth diaper information  

My favorite diapers, Bum Genius  

Benefits of Babywearing here and here  

Breastfeeding and all things Parenting - support from KellyMom