From One Mom to a New Mom: Tips for Before You Deliver

I have said it a million times, I feel, but really - I have learned more from parenting Baby B than I did with both of my boys combined.  Age and maturity have helped me get a better grasp on what I should be doing as a mom.  It is fun watching friends get ready for their first babies and raise their first babies and I find myself giving tidbits of advice when asked.  Occasionally I become "that woman" who gives the unsolicited advice when I feel like the parent really should know something - and it is almost always that bit of advice I wish someone would have shared with me.

The more I sit and ponder how amazing it is to be a parent in 2014, the more I thought about what I really want to say to mom and dad-to-be's before they welcome their new baby into their lives and home.  So here are my tips you should read BEFORE you get to the end of your pregnancy.

1.  Don't plan on drugs at the hospital.  I was induced with my first son (at age 20) due to medical issues with him, which ultimately led to pitocin which lead to the epidural to ease the pain.  I was still scared of the pain when I had my second son, so again I had the pitocin and the epidural.  During my third pregnancy, I was blessed to have watched several friends show me the strength I could unleash from inside of me.  Friends of mine had successful homebirths, drug free -  if they could do it, so could I.  I did my research; I watched videos and read books and talked with my doctor.  At age 31 I was going to show how strong women really are and do this birth thing all natural.  Thanks to the support of my husband, an amazing doula, and encouraging nurses and my doctor - I had Baby B WITHOUT DRUGS.  It hurt.  Honestly, I think the pain helped me get her out faster.  I was in such a state of euphoria during my labor that never happened with my previous two children, that I felt like She-rah.  The rush of endorphin's after I had my daughter was amazing and I felt so at peace afterwards.  So I am here to say, "You can do it!  You can do it without drugs!"  Believe in yourself and the power you DO have inside of you.  You can get more information on the relationship between drugs and labor complications here.  Watch the video - it is so informative!  

Seconds after birth.

"Hmmm...real life is not what I imagined."

2. Have a Birth Plan. Going on from no-drugs, make sure you know what you want during your labor, delivery, and hours after birth.  It is harder to make decisions while you are going through all of that.  Having a plan in place and people that know your plan will make everything smoother.  With my first child, I wanted certain people in the room with me during delivery, but in the heat of the moment - other people came in and photos were taken and things did not go the way I wanted them to.  And I was in no position to say anything about it as I was pushing a baby out.  By the time I had Baby B, I knew what I wanted.  My husband and I did our research.  We decided to only have ourselves, my doula (best decision ever!!!) and my mom in the room.  We opted for delayed cord clamping to give my baby extra nutrients.  Measurements and wiping down the baby were delayed to give me an hour of skin-to-skin time to encourage bonding.  We had measurements taken after that golden hour and then my husband had an hour of skin-to-skin time before we allowed anyone else to hold Baby B.  We delayed bath time so she could stay under the protection of her vernix.  We knew what measures we wanted taken if a complication arose with either the baby or I.  The amazing thing was that I hardly knew about any of this stuff!  I am so glad I was told about all of these natural processes ahead of time so that my baby could start life out with a positive start.  The template I used for my birth plan can be found here.


3. Take belly photos.  This is something I did not do with either of my sons and it was sad to not have them to compare my belly with each week.  It is fun to look back and see how my baby girl was growing and I wish I had the same memories from my first two pregnancies.  

4. Babywear!  I was introduced to the world of babywearing by my Doula and was invited to a local babywearing group through an old friend from college who had started up a group.  Babywearing has made life easier - I can get chores done, dinner cooked, and go shopping without struggling with a handful of baby.  I prefer my Ergo, but also highly recommend Tula's and Kinderpacks.  On occasions we use ring slings.  Many women prefer woven wraps; there are so many beautiful options out there.  Check your area for local groups.  They are everywhere! 

5. Look into cloth diapering.  It is easier than you think!  While there are tons of cloth diapering options out there for all lifestyles and budgets, we found All-in-Ones worked best for our family.  They are all one piece, hence the name, and function similar to a disposable.  My husband loves that they are so easy and we are saving money.  We have spent around $500 on diapers and we will never have to purchase another diaper again.  Disposables will run the average family close to, if not over, $2000.  We are also not contributing to landfill pileups which is a huge perk for this mom who wants a beautiful world for her children.  Last fall a friend turned her nose up at my cloth diaper and stated,"I won't cloth diaper because I don't want to touch poop."  Another perk to cloth diapering?  NO BLOWOUTS!  All the time I hear about how friends who have used disposables had to clean poop off of car seats, clothes, floors, and high chairs because the 'sposie couldn't contain it all.  After 11 months of cloth diapering and many large messes - we have yet to have a blowout thanks to the genius design of cloth diapers.  And I have not had to touch any poop. ;)

I also make my own wipes and wipes solution.

6. Don't waste your money. There are so many things out there for babies that you just do not need.  I hear the same items making this "list" all of the time.  They include: bottle warmers, wipe warmers, fancy baby bathtubs, cribs (if you co-sleep or bed share), and baby shoes.  Really think about each item you purchase and register for.  Is it worth the cost?  How long will it realistically be used for?  Can I find it second-hand?  So many items like jumperoo's and walkers are not used for long and can be found for less money through online yard sales and friends.

7. Make sure you have breastfeeding support. Breastfeeding isn't always a cake walk.  Sometimes it can be a real struggle for weeks or months.  However, it is highly rewarding, providing essential nutrients to baby that formula just cannot replicate and providing countless benefits to the mama.  The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breastfeeding until age 2, worldwide average is 3-7 years old.  When you do not have a support team in place for breastfeeding, you tend to give up sooner.  I am constantly around breastfeeding moms, so it always surprises me that we are not in the majority.  So few moms continue to breastfeed after 6 months of age even when breast milk is the best source of nutrition and is easier to prepare than formula.  *I am not anti-formula - there are few cases where parents must use formula, I am not attacking those families.  One of the best things you can do is to surround yourself with women who are breastfeeding and will offer support when you need it most.

Breastfeeding Baby B just a few hours after birth.

8. Skip the bucket seat.  Car seats are expensive.  There are also so many options out there that making a choice can be confusing.  Many parents feel they need the bucket seat; then after the first year when their baby has outgrown the bucket seat, they spend more money on a convertible car seat.  THEN, once the baby becomes a small child, they spend MORE money purchasing a booster seat.  Here is some fantastic news: they make seats that will grow with your child from birth until they are out of car seats!  Hooray!!!  We actually purchased the Graco SnugRide 35 and ended up using it for 4 months before we switched Baby B to a Diono Radian RXT.  I wish I had just started with this seat.  It is the only seat she will ever need.  Instead of spending $150 for a bucket seat, and then $200+ for a convertible; we could have just purchased the convertible!  

Trying out the seat before it is installed!

While I have your attention about car seats, here are a few important tips:
1. Check out Car Seats for the Littles to get updated safety information on carseats.
2. The LAW in every state in the U.S. states that children must be a year old AND 20lbs to rear face.  That is not either or, it is both.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends rear facing until AT LEAST age 2.  Here are some informative (and scientific!) links to help you learn more.  Rear Facing Myths Busted & Science Behind Rear Facing.  The video below shows the crash test dummies in rear facing and forward facing accidents.  



9.  RESEARCH EVERYTHING.  The last bit of advice I have is to do your research.  While you are pregnant, before baby arrives.  Decide how you want to handle vaccinations.  Learn about giving solids and why so many parents are opting to skip cereals which are often pushed by doctors (who are often not trained in infant nutrition.)  Read your car seat manual through and through - make sure you know proper use and have correct installation - this device can save your baby's life!  Read about Baby Led Weaning (I think it is awesome) and why so many parents are starting solids this way.  Learn about the different theories behind sleep training and decide what you want to do (or none at all!)  Read about the different baby carriers and why some are not recommended.  Just know your stuff and follow the law!

No matter what, make the best decisions for your baby and your family.  No one way is right for every mom, baby and family.  You will make mistakes.  You will learn new ways and find what works best for you.  Welcome to the journey of parenthood with all of it's ups & downs.  Good luck!  



Resources:
Natural Hospital Birth: An excellent book teaching you about getting through labor without the drugs.
Kelly Mom offers fantastic support and advice for breastfeeding and parenting. 
La Leche Leauge: Breastfeeding support. 
Aha! Parenting: Tons of advice for parenting all ages.
Money Saving Moms: Helping you with meal plans, couponing, and saving money.

MommyCon San Francisco

What a great day yesterday was at MommyCon!  I, along with my babywearing group, headed into the city for what would turn out to be a great adventure.

I stayed in East Bay at a friend's house and drove into the city Saturday morning, where at the end of the day I would pay $36 for parking.  What I should have done, was take BART into the city for only $4.  You live and learn, I guess.  Traffic in the morning was mild and I found a parking garage not far from where I needed to be.  

Baby B in the Ergo and Petunia Picklebottom diaper bag on my back, we headed to the hotel with my iMaps open as my trusty guide.  So I thought.  After walking around the same block twice, I realized something wasn't correct.  Thankfully a local pointed me in the proper direction; I was just a block away.  Thanks iMaps.  

MommyCon lady, Alyssa had emailed me a few weeks ago informing me that I had been selected to be a babywearing model, so I was to arrive early.  When I got into the convention room, vendors were setting up and I was able to get a sneak peak at some of the great products featured.  What I was really interested in, was the new Ergo Original in Sea Skipper.  Lucky me, I ended up modeling it in the Babywearing 101 seminar.

After returning the carrier,  MommyCon had officially started and I was free to roam around.  Milkin' Cookies was in attendance and I scored a few of the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.  They were so delicious!  Had they not already sold out of chocolate chip, I would have purchased a bunch right then.  Luckily I can order online.  

While there were many great shops, one stood out to me: Hippie Long Stockings.  They have an amazing story and despite losing their home and moving into a trailer to travel the country, they are giving the proceeds from their sales to people more in need than they.  I think that is pretty cool.  I purchased several baby leggings and a cute little outfit for Baby B.

Many carseats were on display, including the Diono Radian which I LOVE.  I was able to talk car seat stuff with their reps, tell the BOB rep my amazing BOB stroller story, and listen to some great speakers in the seminars, including Alanis Morissette.  

There were so many great speakers - unfortunately my iPhone isn't the greatest at taking photos, but that is okay.  The best thing I took away wasn't photos - it was a greater confidence in breastfeeding in public...without a cover!  The more we support each other as moms and parents no matter how we feed out kids - the less we have to be afraid when we want to nurse or bottle feed our babies while we are out.  

Jessica from The Leaky Boob

Jamie from I Am Not The Babysitter (also remembered as the Time Magazine mom)

Sitting with Abby, THE Badass Breastfeeder and some of my babywearing mamas

It was a great experience, and one I would love to do again.  Even working the event as a rep or MommyCon employee would be a dream.  

If you attended or are attending a MommyCon in your area, please share your experience or what you hope to learn while there!

Growing as a Parent

Dear Moms,

When I got pregnant with my first son, I was 19 years old, unmarried, and more concerned with keeping up with my social life than taking the time to learn about parenting.

None of my friends had children yet.  In fact, it would be several years before they had babies of their own.  At 20 years old I found myself with a baby  boy and no clue how to raise him.  I barely even babysat when I was younger.

At that point, where do you turn for advice?  For me, the only people I could look to with actual experience were my parents and the pediatrician.  My parents hadn't had babies in 14 years, but hey, us kids survived so they must know a thing or two.  In fact, I remember going out and registering for my shower with my best friend, Lindsey.  Afterwards, my step-mom talked to me about what I was missing, what things I really didn't need, and what things I should switch.  While that made me upset at the time, in retrospect, it was truly good advice.

So, knowing that my parents may not remember everything and also thinking I didn't like the way they did everything  - I turned to the pediatrician.  He was the doctor, so everything he said and suggested MUST be the way it is.  Little did I know at the time, that most pediatricians are NOT certified in infant nutrition, breastfeeding, and other areas of parenting.

After recommendations from the pediatrician, I started my older son on rice cereal, followed by fruits and veggies.  Now, at almost 11 years old, the kid hates most veggies and healthy food.  With son #2, I did more veggies first and he eats a little bit better in regards to veggies.

Back then the internet did not have information readily available like they do today.  If you wanted quality and researched information, you often had to get a book which you would only stumble upon if someone suggested it.

So, where was I, a young 20-year-old mom, supposed to learn about new information and recommendations?

Now, at 31 years old, the internet is much improved.  I have tons of friends with kids now who have tried a variety of different ways to parent and raise their children.  When I became pregnant with Baby B, I started reading and researching, something 20-year-old me would never have taken the time for.  I also let friends share their knowledge.

Have you ever heard someone tell you, "Once you get pregnant or have a kid, EVERYONE is offering advice.  Ignore them, do what you want"?  That little tidbit is horrible.

How do we learn new things if we close our ears to advice from other parents?

I used Pampers with my sons, but when a friend showed me her cloth diapers, I was a little curious.  I mean, isn't that kinda gross, washing poop in the same place you wash your clothes?  And don't you have to touch the soiled diapers?  And aren't they a pain to put on a baby?  Kristy showed me a variety of diapers, gave me her opinions and advice, and encouraged me to look into it more.  Once I saw the massive benefits of cloth diapering (less money, adorable patterns and colors, no worrying about running out, saving the landfills from more garbage, etc.) I was pretty much sold.  My biggest regret is not getting into cloth with the first two!  

The more I opened up my ears to my friends (and then looked into the research myself), the more I learned about how I can be a better mom to Baby B.  I have learned about Baby-led Weaning, a way of starting solids by just giving them food.  No mush, no puree's, no rice cereal.  Through research and reading I discovered the history of why rice cereal was being recommended by doctors and why it is no longer recommended at all and why starting sooner than 6 months is not beneficial. (You can get the information from this book, Baby-led Weaning.)  Now, with Baby B, we won't be starting solids until after 6 months and will be starting with a variety of veggies before anything else is introduced.

During the course of this last pregnancy and over the past 5 months, I have learned about doulas, car seat recommendations (I am APPALLED that I forward faced my kids as early as I did), screen time, co-sleeping, amber teething necklaces, baby-wearing, and tons more great information - almost all of it contradicting what I learned with my son's and all backed up with legitimate research.

Had I not taken advice and stuck to the thought that "Mom knows best" or "Doctor knows best," I may not have learned and been open to new ideas and methods.  When I look at my sons, I see one boy who struggles with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and one who has ADHD and struggles academically and socially.  There is no way for me to know if something I did or didn't do affected the way they are today.  All I can do is follow current information with Baby B and see if she turns out healthier than my boys.

I didn't write this to tell you other parents that if you listen to your doctor 100%, then you are wrong.  I wrote this to tell you to research and read for yourself.  I know you love your kid(s).  I know you want the best for them.  If we as parents do not look into the studies ourselves and just follow what we are told, we could be led down a path of struggles and turmoil.  

If you don't read those "annoying" articles that "crunchy" moms like me post about the safety benefits of extended rear-facing - how will you learn that you should actually be keeping your kid rear-faced for at least 2 years?

If you don't listen to your cloth diapering friend, how will you learn that the diapers with pins are a thing of the past and that cloth diapering is just as easy as using disposables?  

If you glare at that mom who is giving her baby a slice of avocado or broccoli instead of asking her (politely) why that instead of baby food, how will you learn about BLW?

If you don't take gentle advice from a stranger about how placing the infant car seat in the top of the shopping cart is very dangerous, how will you learn to put it in the basket?

So my advice to you?  Don't take my above information and do it or throw it out the window just because I have thoughts and opinions; take the information and look into it yourself.  Keep an open mind and really read the information and see if you learn something new.

Love~ Jen

Helpful Resources:

Car Seat Regulations and information from Car Seats for the Littles 

More info on Baby-Led Weaning  

Cloth diaper information  

My favorite diapers, Bum Genius  

Benefits of Babywearing here and here  

Breastfeeding and all things Parenting - support from KellyMom

Bliss {she has arrived}

Our sweet little girl arrived August 28th, 2013 at 4:10pm - just 4 days late.  Like her brothers, she wanted to make me wait, but thankfully not as long.

My Story: The night before I was having some mild contractions after the doctor scraped my membranes.  My parents came down and took the boys for the night in case we ended up going to the hospital.  After a few hours, my contractions went away and I was able to sleep. 

Around 3:30 am, I woke up and had a bug to start cleaning and get myself moving.  They say that urge hits strong right before you deliver and boy, were "they" right!  By 8am I was in early labor and feeling them kick in.  By the way, after having had epidurals and Pitocin during my first two labors, I had planned to go natural this time.

My friend Kristy is training to become a doula and she came over around 10am to help my husband, Earl and I out.  We went on a walk around the block and my contractions were getting closer together.  After the walk, we decided to go to the hospital where I would feel more comfortable. 

After being checked in, it turned out I was (only) at a 4.  I was really hoping for at least a 7!  Oh well, I suppose.  Our nurse, Kim, was super supportive of my natural plan.  We had read that often times, hospitals will push you towards meds and interventions, so I was pleased that she was on my side.  Around noon I was at 5 and my doctor came to see me and broke my water for me.  Then I was able to go to my room and get checked in, officially.  As labor progressed, the pains became more intense.  Kristy was amazing, putting counter-pressure on my lower back and handling the nurses for my husband and I.  Nurse Kim was a little concerned with my breathing and the fact that I was using too much energy so she had me get in bed.  She even helped my husband to work with me - by keeping eye contact with me and breathing at the same time during the contractions.

I've told him this - I have never felt more love for him than during those last few hours.  In my labor-haze I would squeeze his hand when the contraction would start and then he would take the breaths with me through the contraction.  Then we would both doze off for the break.  It was painful and amazing.

At one point there was a shift change and Nurse Kim had to go.  Her replacement was not as nice.  When she checked me and I was at a 7, I almost lost it.  Labor was so hard!  Without my husband and Kristy there, I don't think I would have had the willpower to fight through the pain.  But I am glad I did. 

Around 4 o'clock the doctor came in and it was time to push!  They got everything set up and told me to start pushing.  It only took me about 3 minutes to get Miss Bliss out!  The ring of fire they tell you about is no joke!  What a relief it was to have her on my chest and in my arms.  She really was a blessing.  We did an hour of skin-to-skin time and tried breastfeeding (she was quite the natural) and then we had her measurements taken.  Bliss was 7' 10 ounces, 21.5" long and was perfectly healthy.

 

I spent the next 24 hours in the hospital with lots of visitors.  The boys were begging me to come home with their new sister, so I left just before dinner the next day. 

 

After doing both natural and medicated, I strongly urge you mamas out there to go natural!  Get a doula if you need the extra support.  I feel like she-woman now and feel this intense bond with my little girl.  If you have any questions, feel free to comment below :)